She's a girl - a real, live girl.

"She's a girl - a real, live girl. It's just that she has to prove something--to herself and to her family. She has to prove that she has a brain and that if she ever has to compete with men on their own terms, she can do it - and win. But she really doesn't want to compete with men. In her heart she wants to attract men and eventually marry one. The girl watcher should not let this situation disturb him, however. If the girl is watchable, she should be watched, no matter what her motives or ambitions may be. The same thing is true of a cigarette. If it's smokeable, it should be smoked--and Pall Mall is the most smokeable of all!"

- 1962 Advertisement, Daily Pennsylvanian

That lovely quote was carved into a stone walkway that winds through this women's "memorial" park (though after reading some of the quotes, I doubt "memorial" is the right word to use) between UPenn and Drexel University.


We left the apartment yesterday morning and decide to go down the fire escape because it's closer to the street. Maybe it's because of the mental image of the fire escape from Pretty Woman, but I was sure we were going to get locked in and die. Yes, locked in. You walk outside and back into the building into this brick encased stairwell with rickety wooden stairs that Kate Moss could snap in half. This photo doesn't even do it justice. I thought I was close to dying and used a cell phone instead of my camera (not like there's much difference - my cell is 1.3 megapixels and my camera is 2.0 megapixels).

Once we stumbled out into the sunlight and the door slammed shut behind me, Little realized that the map and directions she wrote out were in the room. In trying to figure out how much time it'd take to run back up, we realized that the map and directions were in her room, on the bed. Next to her keys.

With my impeccable sense of direction (aka with Little's freakish photographic memory), we walked to the hospital where she somehow found her way around. Meanwhile, I found this sweet cafe with wireless and outdoor seating, drank like 2 large cups of iced coffee and planned out my day.

First stop, UPenn's bookstore. Why? Because it's the largest academic bookstore in the country. A few years ago, they struck a contract with Barnes and Nobles who built a new bookstore for them in the B&N style = gigantic. As I walk in, a girl stops me and asks if she can talk to me about global warming. She's not the most persuasive person, but all I can think about is Al Gore's stupid documentary and the polar bear that just keeps swimming looking for ice and all the ice melts and the polar bear just drowns. I told her I'd make a one time donation. She tried to make small-talk, like what was I doing in Philly, where I'm from, what's up, etc. I told her I finally got access to my trust fund, I quit my job, and I'm traveling the world (all true except for the trust fund thing, which set her expectations too high. Maybe if she wants that kind of donation, she should take a "how to talk to strangers and not make them want to stab themselves in the face" class).

When I handed her the check for $10, I think she was a little surprised. She mentioned how they usually encourage larger donations for one time donors. I told her I don't even live in Pennsylvania and I just sacrificed a gallon of gas for my Hummer.

I walked into the bookstore and headed straight for the writing section. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING I SEE? Another Asian person crouching by the shelf. But what is the second thing I see? This book. Of course I think it is absolutely hilarious. Please note that it is next to a book on novel writing and next to an Oxford and MLA Style Guide. Yeah UPenn, way to impress me.

Of course while I'm looking through this book and taking pictures of it, one of the store workers comes up and asks me if she can help me with anything. I say no and hastily shove the book back on the shelf. 10 minutes later, she comes up to me again and asks if I'm finding everything ok. Good part = I am holding a book on how to find the perfect career for you. Bad part = I am somehow, unbelieveably, on the chapter that talks about how to voice dub pornography. Great.

I found a falafel stand selling delicious food for lunch. For $4.75 I got falafel, pita, rice, really fresh grilled veggies, and this spicy delicious sauce. I sat on campus and ate it and got super creeped out when an old man on the bench across from me kept making eye contact and eating his bag of fruit in a... semi-seductive way? And by semi-seductive, I mean I threw up in my mouth/on myself/all over the bench every time I had to watch that. I would rather have witnessed my grandparents conceive my parents than experience that again.

At 1:45 I headed over to the Admissions office for a tour. I figured it's a weekday, how many people can there be? We popped into the end of the info session and oh for the love of all that is... it was an auditorium FILLED with people. I'm talking probably 100-200 people. They were asking questions like, "Do SATs count?" and "Tell me more about blah blah blah." I sat in the back and played poker on my phone and scandalized the family next to me.

Next we broke up into smaller groups for tours. SOMEHOW I ended up in the group of 20 where only 4 people were not Asian, and that group of 4 was a family from NJ. The guide then made us go around in a circle and introduce ourselves and what we want to come to UPenn for. Since I have no shame, I started off by saying my name is Lauren, and I'm very interested in coming to UPenn for pre-med and computer science. All the other Asian parents were very impressed with a) my choice of majors and b) my outspokeness and started nudging their kids.

They were impressed until 10 minutes into the tour when we walked by a GAP, and I pushed my way through the mass to get to it. I was in the store for 20 minutes and decided I really, really, REALLY wanted to go to Urban Outfitters. Little and I had passed one coming into the city, so I knew there was one "nearby."

20+ blocks later, I no longer care about Urban Outfitters but refuse to turn around and/or ask for directions. I cross over this lovely bridge and HAVE to document the trek. Keep in mind this bridge.

Meanwhile, I get hollered at A TON because the shorts I'm wearing are a little short, they ride up when I walk, and as unprofessional/unclassy/TMI as it may sound (IT WAS HOT OUT), there may have been sweat stains. I'm really going to regret posting that.

I make it to UO. NOTHING GOOD. But along the way, I stopped to eat at Rittenhouse Square and some guy gave me a free Starbucks card. I know it's sideways. Why don't you just pick up your computer and turn it sideways and then it'll be right side up?

It was delicious. Except Starbucks here has no wireless. USELESS to me. Little met me outside and we went back to the apartment and her roommate let us in. We grabbed a quick dinner of delicious turkey sandwiches and moved her car. The plan was to walk down South Street.

The cute, boutique part of South Street. But of course we decided it would be a good idea to walk from UPenn's campus. More specifically, past 45th St.


We're crossing over the river and Little decides to freak me out by doing a handstand on the railing of the pedestrian walk (SEE ABOVE). She doesn't actually do it, but jumps up a little. I panic, but the woman next to us actually has a legit reaction. She then walks with us, the whole time talking about how she probably would have died on impact or suffered serious brain damage and been a vegetable and kept running over the worst case scenarios about what would have happened to Little's body in that river. Then she just kept talking about Philly and was just over-the-top exuberant and hilarious and a whole lot of fun.

Long story short, the fun South Street starts at 7th St. In total last night, we walked ACROSS the city of Philadelphia, 50+ blocks, and got there in time for everything to be closed. Except for a psychic palm reader/tarot card reader. $5. I dragged Little up this narrow flight of stairs to experience it, except when you look through the window in the door at the top of the stairs, it's CLEARLY someone's house. And all I could think about was the scary movies my mom made me watch as a small child to scare common sense into me.

"Psychic" reading + sketchy kitchen + two girls = one of us is going to die and be butchered/eaten by cannibals while the other ends up running around in the rain in a wet t-shirt. And since I'm a minority/was wearing not sexy clothes at all, I was pretty sure I was going to die.

More pictures to come later, but I clearly didn't pack appropriately. I'm planning to head to the "gay district," the Italian Market, and Chinatown today. I'm wearing pearls, a popped collar Polo, and madras shorts. POOR LIFE DECISIONS.