Friday, March 6, 2009

Pink Pink PINK

I have opted to change the template from its previous mediocre state to this glorious one of pink.

This lust of pink is relatively new, but it is blossoming with a ferocity unseen since the love of Helen of Troy launched a fleet of ships (I am so poetic).

Example: We're repainting the office and we held a vote as to what new "accent" color on the walls should be. I voted for "heartfelt" because it was comforting. Not only was I told that the office would look like a womb, but my vote was vetoed and I had no say in the color. Even after they had narrowed it down to 2-3 choices.

Another example: I got a new credit card because one of the designs is pink and monogrammed.

Clarification: Victoria's Secret's pink line = not cute.

Wine and Grilled Cheese

A few friends and I attended this fantastic event at National Geographic the other night. 9 representatives (including Ambassadors!) from 9 small countries gathered to romance a crowd with poetry. The nine countries were Austria, Bahrain, Bulgaria, Cyprus, Iceland, Liechtenstein, Malta, Monaco, and Slovenia.

It was an entertaining evening, to say the least. The representatives/Ambassadors were absolutely hilarious, though I don't think they intended to be. I fell in love with His Excellency Andreas S. Kakouris from Cyprus for his studly and charming accent. If you melted butter and mixed it with chocolate and cream (besides making a delicious meal), you would have his voice. One of the friends I was sitting next to pointed out that my new lover bears a striking resemblance to Martin Scorcese. True.

The Ambassador from Iceland was also charming, in a rambling, hilarious way. I don't remember specifics, besides a dig at France, but it made me laugh and wish I could bring him to show-and-tell. He also reminded me of this film professor I had in college, because there were so many random tangents.

Claudia Fritsche is a fireball of a lady from Liechtenstein. The Ambassador is well-spoken, engaging, and a powerful presence. She was tiny and when she first took the stage, I was still enamoured with Cyprus and Iceland (though all 9 were fabulous). She spoke softly, but her tone was focused. Like a rattlesnake waiting to bite your face.

Afterwards, there was a reception with wine from each of the countries (a fact the Slovenia representative referred to multiple times). There was also a variety of snacks to sample on, most of them deep fried.

There were fried mac-n-cheese squares, mushroom and cheese mini quiches, chicken skewers, potato pancakes, baklava, struedel, and grilled cheese. Not grilled cheese sandwiches, but grilled cheese. We thought it was grilled fish at first and excitedly started scooping them up. No, pieces of cheese they put on a grill.

I just kept putting food in my mouth, I couldn't stop. To save room for all the fried calories, I didn't partake in the free wine. Priorities! A girl has got to have priorities!

Speaking of priorities, JKru got us these amazing tickets. In exchange for her ticket, a friend of ours had to bring this supposedly delicious caramel sauce she stole from her office's catering service. I'm talking this girl straight up spooned caramel sauce into a plastic cup, covered it with plastic wrap, and rubber banded the whole thing together. We're all standing at the reception when she whips this crushed plastic disaster out of her back. JKru, feeling obligated to eat it since she demanded it, poured it all over her baklava.

It was like watching someone pour a bag of sugar onto a chocolate cake.

While she was eating her masterpiece, I went back for round 39493848949 of fried mac-n-cheese. They had just brought a new tray out and the fried bits of glorious heaven were hot. But it only burns your mouth if you chew.

Mmm. National Geographic, you are delicious. It's a wonder those 9 nations don't have higher obesity levels than America. Well... probably because they eat in moderation and they eat normal portions.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Ugh. Hate DC sidewalks.

Mainly because I just tripped while walking and fell into a trashcan. I also think I dislocated my hip. This is probably how my grandma feels 24/7.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

JJ Dinner

I am currently in Richmond at the Jefferson-Jackson Dinner. Bill Clinton spoke, and let me tell you, that man is like a delicious scotch. Smooth, woody, greater with age, and I would take a shot of him to the face.

Different candidates are speaking. Lt. Governor candidates submitted these videos of themselves. One of the women reminds me of the Contessa from the Real Housewives of NYC. She seems kind of sassy and ready to knife someone.

The candidates for governor all get to speak for like 15 minutes. Terry McAuliffe had tons of supporters, all of them waving signs and glow sticks. I don't know where these glow sticks came from, but I am pretty sure they are not environmentally friendly and not a good use of money. Unless they are leftover from a police drug bust at a rave. Are raves still even a real thing? I thought they were a way to rebel against Backstreet Boys concerts.

Brian Moran... Hahahahaha I can't stop laughing. His commercial was awful because he had clearly gone to a tanning bed and gone overboard. Bright red with a pale mask around his eyes from where the tanning glasses were.

"Virginia needs a fighter, not a fundraiser."
"It's a one thing to say you're going to be like Tim Kaine and Mark Warner. It's another to have been here, fighting Republicans."
"I am going to beat Bob McConnell... Like a drum."
"A woman's right to choose does not mean a right to choose her college."

And many other classic one-liners.

Right now Creigh Deeds is speaking. It's kind of sad because I think a lot of people have counted him out. His kids introduced him, and it was kind of cute. Except they told this completely bizarre story of Deeds pulling over for eight cats. And then they ran off and he chased them into the woods. It was supposed to show how much he cares about... Things?

Also, this coffee tastes like sugar water. Not delicious.

Friday, February 6, 2009

John McCain is much more attractive in real life.

I went on a special tour of the capitol today, mainly in hopes of finding an attractive and ambitious young legislative aide. Unfortunately, that was a fail. I never wandered away from the tour (the one time I fell behind, they joked that I needed to hold onto a rope like a preschooler). I also never really saw an attractive young aide that wasn't rushing somewhere or in a group. What was I supposed to do?

W: Hey group of dashing men who I can only assume hold some sort of power. Care to take me out to eat/marry me without a pre-nup? I can be the Hill to your Bill. Hinthint.

Omg side note. I just got on the metro train and the man in front of me reeks of marijuana. I think I might get a contact buzz by the time this ride is over.

Speaking of contact buzz, Michael Phelps lost his Kellogg endorsement. He is the best thing they could have asked for. What do people who are high want to eat? The crap they make. Also, if he can win eight gold medals while stoned... That man is superman.

Back to the original point. It is hard to type this coherently because a) my fingers are too fat for this Blackberry and b) I am pretty sure I am getting high off this man's BO.

I saw John McCain on the senate floor. He came in, quiet and unannounced, but his presence immediately drew everyone's attention. He has a commanding stature and he reeks leadership and authority and when I think of him, I imagine a tattoo of an eagle holding up an American flag and a bazooka in its sharp, American-made talons.

Wow. Seriously. Its like Harold and Kumar in here.

We went to lunch at the senate cafeteria buffet. I ate like a mother bear before hibernation season. I had trouble walking after, but I think I impressed everyone. Especially the lady staffers who picked at their lettuce while I ate plate after plate and topped it off by demanding ice cream.

Wow. I am light headed.

Life is hard

Just like typing on a Blackberry when you have fat fingers is hard. A couple of friends and I went to Busboys and Poets tonight to listen to speakers read essays from _Yes Means Yes_, an anthology that began on the internet. The people were enthusiastic and open and honest and the book def sounds amazing. However, the topic is not the most happy topic.

I got there late and the only spots left to sit were on the stage, behind the readers/authors. Talk about awkward. I couldn't look at them because the overhead lights were shining straight into my small eyes. I also couldn't look at the audience because its awkward and slightly creepy to stare at strangers. However, that did not stop me from staring at their food.

The post-Busboys night involved delicious thai food and a discussion of gay porn. Mainly whether or not I'd be a good director and which is a better theme: mechanics in an auto shop or football players in a locker room. Keep in mind this is the first time I have ever met one of the girls.

I would add more, but that will have to wait because my fat fingers are tired. I will end with a fun fact. When I try to reenact Meg Ryan's orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally, I sound like a beached whale. Or a gorilla that has been shot. :( that prob does not bode well for my beatboxing career.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Obscure Asian sport = I win!

A friend of mine challenged me to a duel. She insisted that I could pick any sport involving a ball and that she would be a difficult and devious competitor. My first instinct was ping pong. I don't know why. I've never been very good at sports that involve swinging an object at a ball. With ping pong, I instinctively try to hit the other person with the ball. In tennis, I instinctively try to hit the ball over the court fence. And in baseball/softball, I close my eyes and swing as hard as I can, which occasionally causes the bat to flee from my hands. Obvi ping pong is not the best idea.

Which led me to the grandest of all obscure Asian sports... sepak takraw!




As you can clearly see, sepak takraw is an intense combination of skill, prowress, and sheer grit. None of which I have. It is also a mix of volleyball and soccer, neither of which I've played. My friend was a varsity athlete in both sports. I don't think I even know the difference between a volleyball and a soccer ball. One is black and white, like a panda.

Long story short, I am banking on sheer luck to win.